Broken hearts to blooming love!!!

A tear rolled down her eye... She would have normally never have let a tear roll down her cheek all the way... She had never been very public about her feelings or emotions and always portrayed a strong exterior; but this time it was different... She knew it was over... It was all over... After all those years of loving him; of giving herself to him; there was nothing left now... Nothing to give, nothing to get...

All she was left with was a broken heart...

Jade had always been a strong woman... Independent, fierce, not needing or wanting a man to support her - mentally, emotionally or financially... She lived her life her way, on her own terms....

Then one fine day, when she had least expected it, he had breezed into her life... 'I have found my prince charming', she thought to herself...A year passed after another, and three years later, they broke up on the very same day that they had started seeing each other... 'We have our entire life up ahead of us... Let this be but a minor speedbump in our lives.. Lets move on, our separate ways.. But that doesn't mean we cant be friends', he had said... Well, but we all know how it works when lovers of a time try to become 'just friends'... Jade knew well that she needed her time before they could become 'just friends'... However, even before she could get used to that concept, this last call had come...

Brian: Hey woman!! Waddup...

Jade: (Blushin at the mere sound of his voice)Numuch baby.. How u doin??

Brian: Okie, lissen up... I have some major major news for u.. I know ur gonna be super duper excited when u hear....

Jade: Really!!! Watsup.. Temme temme!!!


Brian: I have started seein someone.. Oh! She's as lovely as can be.. She is gorgeous, man... I am in total awe of the way she carries herself.. I wonder what she sees in a freak like me... I look like such a monkey in front of her!!! U have to meet her.. I have told her everything bout u.. She wants to meet u too....

Jade: (Tryin to force back her tears...Gulpin) Ohhhh.. ummmmm.. that sounds great... Am so happy for you baby...

Brian: I knew you would be happy for me.. Oh girl.. I love you for being you...

Jade: I...I.... I love you too...

She really did mean it.. She still was very much in love with the man.. But alas.. He didn't get it.. And in reality, why did he need to.. They had broken up, hadn't they? He had all the rights to move on...

A tear rolled down her eye... She would have normally never have let a tear roll down her cheek all the way... She had never been very public about her feelings or emotions and always portrayed a strong exterior; but this time it was different... She knew it was over... It was all over... After all those years of loving him; of giving herself to him; there was nothing left now... Nothing to give, nothing to get...

With her heavy heart she moved on in life.. Well, she still couldn't get herself to date anyone else.. Well she couldn't until she met Samuel...


Samuel was well spoken, was a catholic too.. Well, her parents would love him for sure.. He had a home to himself, had a stable job and was crazy about Jade... She was very fond of him too... They connected pretty well.. Finally she felt like she belonged somewhere...

Samuel and Jade started seeing each other.. She enjoyed spending time with the man.. She would cook for him, they would enjoy movies together, long drives, the works...

On one such long drive, they drove out n beyond the town, well almost into the countryside... Jade hadn't felt so rejuvenated in a long long time.. She was loving this entire phase.. She was with a man, who knew what made her happy...

They made a quick pit stop to change oil before their drive back to return to all the hustle bustle of the city... Soon they were cruising again.. Samuel kept looking at Jade... But she didnt really notice... She was busy admiring the picturesque beauty around her... Suddenly, Samuel pulled up around the side of the road...

'What's wrong baby?', she asked him..
'Nothing... Nothing at all', he answered... 'Come with me,lemme show you somethin' he said, as he held her hand and led her outside the car... They came to a point where from they could see the entire valley below them...The view was breathtaking...
'Awwww baby....' she said as she hugged him tight... 'This is so beautiful... How did you find this place?' she gushed...
'It had to be here and nowhere else darling... You're a special woman, so you needed an equally special place...'he said...
'For what?'....

Before she could even finish her statement she turned around to see Samuel down on one knee, with the most beautiful ring she had ever seen....

'Oh my God... Are you serious Samuel?' she asked...

'Jade Linsworth, will you be the beauty that makes my life picturesque forever?'

He was serious.. She had to think fast.. But no words were coming out of her mouth.. Well, it was all soooo purrfect.. Just like she had imagined..She would be lying if she said she hadn't pictured him popping the question... And now when he was doing it, what was stopping her??

She didnt know herself.. But all she knew was that something didnt feel rite.. She couldn't get herself to say yes...

'It's simple Jade.. All you have to say is one small word.. Y-E-S, yes.. Cmon.. Say it... He's lookin at u.. Say Yes.. Say Something....'

Finally her lips parted and she spoke.. 'Ummmm... I don't think... ummmm... that this is...ahem ahem... the best idea... Am so sowie Samuel.. I can't marry you', her voice gaining some kind of strength by now...

'Whaaa... I mean.. I thought you wanted this too... I thought WE wanted this', he fumbled with his words.. 'I dont get it Jade... Is it something I did?? Please tell me'

'It's not you Samuel, it's me!!!' she replied softly...

Awkward silence prevailed.. She stood there, silent... She turned her back to him... She couldn't bear to look at him.. He looked crestfallen... She didn't know what to say that would make him feel better.. Could she even do anything to make him feel better? She wondered....


The ride back to town was awfully quiet.. He quietly shut the door behind her and she watched as his car zoomed out of sight... She knew, right then in that moment, that she would never see him again..

She walked up the flight of stairs leading to her apartment.. When she unlocked the door, there she was, standing in all her glory, on all her fours.. 'Hey Sasha girl..' she said as she bent over to pick up her 4 month old cocker spaniel.. Sasha was furiously wagging her tail...


'Atleast someone's happy to see me home.. Even if the ulterior motive behind it is that you get fed now that am home..' Jade smiled and said..

Atleast she could smile.. What about poor Samuel.. What was his fault?

'Why did you lead him on all this while Jade?' she felt her conscience questioning her.. 'I dunno.. I really dunno' was the only plausible answer she could manage to utter...

Jade walked up to her lappy... She sat down to check her mails and well, blog, if she got the time to or the inspiration to write something.. Tonight she may have some inspiration, is what she thought... She skimmed through her mails.. Nothing interestin.. Hmmmm.. She logged into facebook..

"Hey girl, waddup..." said Sarah.

"Oh.. Hey how u doin.. Me.. Numuch happening wid me.. You temme" Jade replied.. 'How am I managing to be so casual about the whole Samuel episode... Have I no heart?' she asked herself...

Sarah: So girl.. You up for a fun night!!

Jade: Uhhh.. What are we talking about again?

Sarah: Oh, cmon!! Dont tell me you forgot again... We were to hit the club tonight... We leave in an hour.. What are you doing online.. Now scoot.. Get ready.. N yeah.. Leave Sam at home today.. It's an 'all girls' thing

Jade: (Phewwww.. Atleast she could explain about Sam later) Ummmmm, alrite.. C ya in one!!! Usual place!!!

Jade dressed up and looked pretty and nice by the time she got to the usual place... Sarah had already bought the beer... They generally had one designated driver amongst them girls and the others could drink that night... And she definitely was in the mood to get sloshed tonight...

She headed out and met with Sarah and the others... They hit the club and started out with a round of tequila shots... Once the 4th round of tequilas, Jade could hardly focus her sight on her own legs.. Everything around seemed to be spinning...

'But isn't that what I wanted!!!', she asked herself; 'to forget where I am, who I am with...'

She wasn't feeling too good, though.. She rushed towards the washroom.. The bile rising in the back of her throat... She banged into a wall, and she lost all consciousness..

"Jaaaaaade!!!! Jaaaade, can you hear me, girl?"

She rubbed her eyes.. Her head felt groggy.. Sarah, Tess, Jordan and the others had formed this huge circle around her.. She couldn't be sure if it was her friends or someone else who was looking at her right now.. Coz her vision was still blurred.. But it sure sounded like Sarah..

"Ummmm!!!"; Jade rubbed her head as she tried to get up...

"No wait.. Lie down for some more.. You're not absolutely fine as yet... No one can be after falling down that hard!!" replied a very deep masculine voice..

Jade wasn't in a state to argue... So she let herself drift off into sleep...

(TO BE CONTINUED)

From bruised knees to broken hearts... The journey

(P.S.: This is generally at the end... But am gonna put it rite up here for everyone's benefit.. This post is partly fictitious and partly truth... figure out the parts for yourself)

Well, if you're expectin this particular post to be profound (Am assumin u get it from the name); BEWARE... Am known to fool (very easily infact)

Life sometimes moves faster than you can even comprehend (Well, atleast the first line seems profound.. Lets c how this goes and more importantly, where it goes) When I look back at my school days now, some memories seem blurred.. You mite never remember who you shared a bench with in your fourth grade or who that annoying boy was who kept squirtin water at you.. But there are still some memories that stand out, as vividly as can be.. You will never be able to forget things like your last day at school, fillin out those numerous slam/autograph books, receivin that award from the principal (best student of the year, et al); or playin that crucial inter-school carrom board competition that you won eventually and the ecstacy you felt when u did win...

A couple of days back, as I sat down to clear out my shelf (Well, I can almost hear my mom say 'FINALLY'!); I came across this one folder... I always knew my certificates were in it (the numerous inter-school and intra-school were hidden there)... Neatly stacked according to the years in which I received em... I opened the folder (nostalgia hittin me already) - Memories floodin me... That 1st relay race that we won... The skippin race in the 4th grade, where I came in 1st.. The dance competion that I won... All of those thoughts rushin back to my mind..

I dug further into the folder, and another envelope came tumbling out.. It (the envelope) almost seemed to find a sweet spot on my lap and plop itself there...

'Hmmm.. So what's in here, I wonder!!!'

No prizes for guessing what the contents of tat half torn envelope looked like... They looked like old photographs.. Yeah!! I had finally found em.. My class pictures from school.. (NOT somethin I would wanna show anyone else though) Shaite... Can't believe we all looked so silly in school, wid the tied up oily hair n glasses et al... Today that has been replaced by highlights and contact lenses.. More painful, yet attractive (or so we believe!!! Hav u seen some of these Mulund women wid blonde highlights.. Yikes!!!!!)

As I went through those pictures, I knew I had to write a post about school... BUT as usual, like most ardent bloggers wud agree, we sometimes are jus so friggin lazy to get our asses down to our writin seat!!! (Yeah.. I can almost see some of u grinnin wid agreement)

Today, however, was a different day.. (Same Shyt Different Day)... I went to pick up my niece, Tia, from school.. She has started goin to the same school that we all went to (My bro, my sis, me, our neighbours, etc etc etc - U get the point, dont u?) When I was there, standin outside the gate of the school brought back old memories... Rushin, gushin, pushin.. I had to call someone... Someone from school... Couldn't think of anyone who would be free... (Well, we have doctors, lawyers, entrepreneurs, event managers, photographers, but we dont have lukkhas... Dammit!!!) I eventually managed to remember one person who might have been free.. It was worth a shot... I called him... He answered...

Me: 'Hey... Wassup'

Him: 'Nuttin much... Kya chal raha hai?'

Me: 'Hmmmmm.. (long pause) Wanna meet up kya?'

Him: 'Sure!! Par kidhar?'

(Shyt, I havent been so tongue tied while speakin to a prospective guy)

Me: 'Mere ghar pe'

Him: (Reluctantly) Okies

*click*

It was done... The most dreaded conversation was finally over... Why was that so weird... Didnt he n me like share a bench somewhere like a decade back.. N now, here we are... Findin it weird to invite each other home... So much changes eh!!!

My niece came outta school jus then... I dropped her at my sis-in-law's... And I rushed back home to meet the man!!!! On seein each other, we HUGGED!!! Gosh!!! That felt good... Reconnectin wid an old friend, like this... (I was beginnin to feel a lil more comfortable by now)

We headed back to my place... We were climbin up the last flight of stairs before my house, when I stopped to remove the keys from my bag... That's the time when he realized we were gonna be alone, in my house... He almost started sweatin.. Dammit, I hadnt realized this wud be so much of an issue... Given my background and the familial backgrounds of my college friends and all, an empty house always meant loud music and alcohol...

Finally we settled down, in our respective seats and started 'catchin up'...

An hour passed and then another and then another... The 'catchin up' had begun wid us discussin our academics and work lives... Gone onto love lives... Gone onto sexual histories... Gone onto us discussin sexual fantasies... Gone onto gossip... (Well, men love it too) We were actually having fun.. I couldn't believe we were the same 2 people who had initially taken around 2 yrs to begin talkin to each other, another 2 yrs (post school) to lose touch wid each other and another 2 min conversation to get back at it again...Weird eh??

A good ten yrs back, it had all started with a silly bruise... I had fallen down while playin dodge ball and had scraped the skin off my knee... We were almost 12 then, but I was still a self proclaimed cry baby... I used to like it when people noticed that I was in pain (Well sometimes I still do.. But let's not get there) He had sat on the bench behind me the entire year, but it was the 1st time we spoke... He asked me if my knee was troublin me a lot... (Awwwwwww... Shoooooo Shweeeetttt) He used to be a very shy boy; so this comin from him was unexpected!!!

BACK TO THE PRESENT :

What struck me the most about our conversation was the fact that we both looked highly beaten up when we spoke about our respective broken relationships from the past... Well, I almost saw a tear roll down, and him wipin it off just in time... I wanted to hold him, hug him and tell him that it would be okay... Just as I put my hand on my knee (one of those reassurin touches that women are good wid) realization dawned upon me... It was a bruise on my knee that had made us friends.. N here we are today.. Almost a decade later, nursin each others wounds, only the wounds r of a different kind this time...

My favourite quotes of all times is this : THIS TOO SHALL PASS...

I know he and me will get over our past and move on... But in the meanwhile, it has made me think of all the things we lose along the journey.. Innocence - lost, hair - lost, ability to trust blindly - lost, friends - lost, questioning mind - lost, the ability to understand the value of someone's lovin touch - well, partly lost...

The journey from bruised knees to broken hearts does take a lot away from us... But what it leaves us with is a brand new person on the outside, wid essence of the same old person inside...

What once 'WAS', now 'IS'... A journey from bein ma BF to ma BFF

My internet escapades turned out to be fruitful for me in more than one way... I have made some extremely close friends in the past... Today I am goin to write about one relationship that took birth in the online world and soon transformed into more than just a 'virtual' friendship...

This isn't some online datin saga that I am goin to write about, it's definitely more than that...

I dunno how many of you (the one's who know me personally I mean) know this; but here goes... Bipin (the guy i dated for 3 yrs until somewhere in Feb this yr) and me met online!!! Yeah.. I know!!! (I can almost see some of you cuppin your mouths, some gapin in horror, etc etc) A few of you already knew this fact and I hadn't told the others since I wasn't sure how people would react to it...

Bipin and I met online somewhere in 2003 I believe, I was freshly into Xavier's and he was still in Ruia then...

My version: We met in a Yahoo chatroom and clicked... However, the click wasn't loud enough for us to sustain it... We did add each other, but we hardly used to chat ever (that's thanks to me and my perennial invisible mode option) I never had him catch my attention long enough to wanna chat with him again the next time... And ever since he told me his name was Bipin as opposed to Stephen (his nick said so) I was a lil turned off... Alongwith the name Bipin came a plethora of stereotypical characteristics... I pictured him as one of these 'galli ka goondas'... Lol...

His version: He had added my friend Preeti Baruah on hi5 (which at that point of time was as big as orkut and FB today) Yeah!!! I know Preeti must have almost fallen off her chair on readin this one line.. LOL... He apparently saw me on her friend's list and randomly sent me a friend request... I accepted and we started sendin each other msgs randomly sometimes... And that's when we exchanged our yahoo IM ids and started chatting...

Now, we still don't really know which version is reliable... However, the point at which we stand today, it all seems irrelevant...

Am sure till now, by now ur convinced tat am still hung up on the guy... And depression is causin me to lose it!!! HELL NO!!! Tats the last thing happenin to me!!!

Last nite there was a miracle tat transpired when all of you were perhaps busy snorin in ur beds (respectively i mean, unless there was more than one miracle) Bipin and I met up last nite, only to find out that we were both respectively over each other... I found closure last nite... Absolute closure (Sorry to disappoint u Diksha)

We spoke and we laughed and we cried (well, atleast I did, tears of joy)... I was soooo happy to be connecting with this man again... N then we told each other about the respective better halves in our lives and incidentally how we started datin our respective partners on the same day (N I know I will have to keep remindin him about anniversaries and monthaversaries)

For me, this is like a sign, that this is how it's meant to be... I can't wait to speak to his chick... She seemed wary at first, but is gettin comfortable with the idea of him and me bein friends....

I seem to have met the perfect guy (He is adorable)... But then again, am wary given the fact I have seen men leave my life even before I can say the word 'Zyzybalooba' (What?)

Bottomline is this:

• My workscene looks good...(I love my work hubby Bhavik)
• My family life is gettin better (Spent a good amount of time wid mom n dad when they were down here, hav Tony and fly stayin wid me these days, had lunch wid Tess, Minty and Sheena the other day, etc etc etc)
• My love life seems to be at the beginnin of somethin new and real (I am extremely fond of this man; pray it works out)
• Bipin, who is a man, who has known me for the longest and closest that anyone can, has come back wid a bang and is turnin out to be BFF material if not BF material!!! I am lovin it!!!

My Male BFF !!!!

Everyone writes about their friends or about their families...Today am gonna write bout a man who makes it to both the categories for me!!!

He is definitely the first of his kind in my life!!! He is my first ever 'Girlfriend'... I cant call him anythin else!!! Coz here is a man who understands me better than most of my chicka friends... I can talk to him through the nite... Bytch bout the women creatin havoc in my life... Hug him when I need a big manly hug.... Have him snuggle up to me sometimes when he needs me to pamper him!!! But all in all he is my 'dadda' in disguise!!! Constantly lookin out for me, like no one has ever b4!!!

He is one man who I can sock in the face when am angry and who I can blabber out the darkest confessions to knowin that he will never eva tell anyone (even if he does, he wont give out my identity; or so i hope!!! Grrrrrrrrrrr)

He is definitely my BFF... N for those of you girls who do not wat categories of Male BFFs u need to have, I am gonna give u a small run through the categories... Every female needs to have male friends like these!!!

1. The macho man - He is the kinda man who will take care of u... No matter where u r... No more eve teasin atleast when he's around!!! Constantly flexin those muscles, he will look like ur very own personal bouncer

2. The poet - He is the man who is in touch wid his emotional side and has no issues with emoting himself.. This is the kinda man who will write lovely poetry for u (yea, men can do that for friends too) He will keep u on ur toes constantly and make sure u always know wats on the Top 10 list of Crosswords!!!

3. The sensitive man - He is like the guy who you can run to when u need a listenin ear!!! He is there for u, wid a handkerchief ready!!! Love these kinds.. Personal favourites!!!

4. The techie - He is the guy who is gonna take care of all those innumerable virus infections on your computer.. He is gonna answer all your technology related queries even if its 4 in the morn!!!

5. The mechanic - This is a guy who is good wid cars.. he will be reminding u bout the last time you changed your car's oil... Etc etc etc.. You get the point.. Dont u??

6. The biker - This is the man who gets ur whacky side out.. You can go on long bike rides wid the man... This is a man who doesnt care wat ur hair looks like, if its helmet hair that u've got!!! Actually helmet hair is better!!!

7. The softie - He is the man who will do the romantic things that you wanna do wid a man (excludin the sex)... You can go for quiet lil dinners.. Discuss philosophy ova wine... (If luck has rite, he mite be gay... so no sex for u here girl)

8. The BFF - For all those of you who dont know wat it stands for, BFF means 'Best Friend Forever'.. A BFF then is someone who has a lil of all these qualities rolled into one, or atleast knows how to make u feel like the center of their world, when u dont hav a lover to do so for u!!!

To all my male friends, this is my way of saluting you and all the times you guys have been there for me!!! Love ya'll!!!